Confirmation - Stepping out in faith

Heb 11:8. Abraham "obeyed when he was called", "and he went out, not knowing where he was going"

I prayed & asked for thought direction last Sunday. I'd been agonizing for months re: home-school; way before we even removed them from Faith West. The unrest I was experiencing was unbelievable & had really come to a fever pitch over the past couple of months (not sleeping, angry all the time, anxious while they were at school). But my fears of failure kept me from doing anything. Recently, Mike & I decided we were going to do a marriage bible study together on Sun mornings-never done that before. As soon as we made the decision, sickness swept through all of us. We missed church for the next 4 weeks. I was impressed to pray re: home schooling more than ever & the Sunday we went back we both felt God speaking directly to us through the sermon & scriptures. I also knew He meant immediately, not to wait (Heb 11:8). There were actual words on the screen that said in capital letters "NOW". Mike & I couldn't help but laugh to ourselves in church. We both looked at each other & even though we didn't say it right then, we knew God was speaking to us right there in that service. After service ended, I felt strongly led to tell our Pastor about the confirmation I'd received. It's one of my favorite things to do, tell others about things God has revealed to me through His word. Everyone loves to get answers about things that you've agonized over for so long. But as I stood there waiting to talk with him, I decided I would just say that I'd received a confirmation about a decision, thank him & leave. I had it all planned in my head exactly what I was going to say. Well, God wanted more than that. I immediately felt led to share specifics, actually say the word "home-school". (Even as I am journaling this, I'm struck to share this publicly.) There was no denying God wanted me to fully acknowledge the confirmation He'd given me. And even then I knew we were to start immediately. I hadn't talked with Mike yet about what I'd received in service or about my talk with the Pastor, but I already felt relief in knowing this was what we were going to do. Mike & I talked later that night & I asked him if when we looked at each other during church, was he also hearing from God that we should definitely home-school & he completely agreed. Hesitantly (because I already knew), I asked him if we should finish out the year or start now & he said he too felt the Lord saying the time was now. Even as he said the words, the burden & anguish I'd been experiencing completely lifted. I felt excited, not nervous, happy not freaked out & most of all relieved & surprisingly confident that I could do it, not at all fearful. God showed up just like He always does when we direct our minds & hearts to Him for the answers we seek.

There are so many things, people & situations God has lined out getting us to this point. I truly believe all the way back to me joining Katy MOPS & becoming friends with Audra & before I'm sure. God always has a plan greater than ours. He's provided teaching resources through lots of people, completely free. He's provided reassurance through people that I didn't even know but have recently become associated with. I also believe He used me moving to Bear Creek MOPS, because there are people I'd never have met that are helping me now. Not to say of course that there's not an even bigger picture being painted through all these circumstances, because we know how masterful God is.  But this is just my current vision & understanding of what He's doing. I can't wait to see what else He accomplishes through my tiny act of obedience. For now, I'm praying my boys are the direct recipients of my step of faith. Who knows what else He has planned.

Stay tuned as I attempt to continue to not fear & pray for understanding & humble myself before my God because my requests are heard in heaven. (from Daniel 10:12). Out of a recently started bible study-coincidence? Nope :)

It's FRIDAY!

Today ends the first week of our home school experience & it's really been a great week. I'm weeding through the organizational stuff & figuring out what works & what doesn't, for them & for me. Thanks to a fantastic book, "The Well-Trained Mind", I overcame anxieties this week about what I should/shouldn't be teaching Kaden. That book was loaned to me (many thanks Audra) & even tho it's nearly 3" thick, as soon as I opened it & began reading, I knew it would not only give me insight, but continued reassurance. I've been up well past 12am every night this week. Starting with Sunday night when Bode became sick. I think I might have gotten 2 hours of sleep total that night. Seriously? On the day before our first home-school day? Me, the mom who's "very grumpy if she doesn't get enough sleep" according to Tristan. Regardless, God enabled me to be all the things I'm not - patient, loving, willing, energized, motivated. And each day this week has been that way. Sure, I've caught myself not handling EVERY situation just right, like yelling when my very wiggly Kaden just will not stay in one spot! But wonderfully, I'm really learning things about my boys. Tristan really flourishes under freedom. All his work has been great & he's been super cooperative. Kaden is so interested in reading his "readers" that he can't wait to get them out. This from a boy who literally can't sit still. I know it's not all me. When they're ready, it happens just like everything else (ie: potty training-ughh!), it just clicks. But God has a way of making things click just when you need them to, so I've thoroughly enjoyed our first week. "Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed." Proverbs 16:3